Estudos comprovam que o castigo só ensina a criança como desenvolver técnicas de  resistência e desobediência planejada. Quanto mais você castiga, mais seu filho se especializa em deixar você nervoso e frustrado.

Quando recebe o castigo de ficar alguns dias sem o celular ou sem usar o videogame, a criança aprende a sentir-se bem após o castigo, livre de qualquer culpa, já que pagou pelo que fez ao cumprir a punição imposta pelos pais. A mensagem para o cérebro é: fiz algo errado, mas já cumpri minha pena por isso, logo, estamos quites! 

Temos algumas dicas para você usar ao invés do castigo e ver aos poucos seu filho deixar o comportamento inoportuno ou agressivo de lado.

1 – Peça ajuda da criança

Grande parte das birras e mau comportamento nascem da necessidade de chamar a atenção dos pais. Quando você pede que seu filho ajude você em alguma atividade,  o sentimento de “ser importante” torna-se dominante e você já terá ao seu lado um aliado, não alguém competindo por sua atenção.

Ao invés de:

“Desce dessa cadeira!” ou “Você vai ver só depois que eu tirar a compra do carro!”

Você pode dizer:

“Filho, você pode me ajudar a tirar as compras do carro? Leva essa sacola, por favor.” (se for pequeno, já deixe algumas sacolas com coisas leves, tipo, guardanapo, papel higiênico,).

2 – Tome uma atitude enquanto passa uma informação. Não faça nenhum outro comentário.

Seu filho está com a faca na mão, batendo no prato ou no copo. Ao invés de ficar repetindo para largar a faca ou fazer ameaças do tipo: “você vai se cortar“ ou “se quebrar o copo você vai ver comigo…”, você simplesmente se aproxima dele, pega a faca e coloca em outro local – longe do alcance dele – olha para ele e diz “faca não é brinquedo”. 

Simples assim. Nem mais um comentário sobre o assunto.

3 – Caso seu filho seja aquela criança que imediatamente pede desculpa quando percebe que você desaprovou o comportamento que ele teve, você não deve simplesmente se derreter de emoção e esquecer o assunto. Se fizer isso, a mensagem para ele será: “posso fazer qualquer coisa, basta pedir desculpa rapidinho quando meu meu comportamento não tiver sido adequado”.

Nesse caso, você precisa aproveitar o momento para que ele se comprometa com um comportamento diferente da próxima vez. Por exemplo:

. “Se você está pedindo desculpa, é porque entende que fez algo errado e vai mudar. Você pode me explicar como vai agir da próxima vez?”

. Fico feliz em ouvir você pedindo desculpa. Esse é só o primeiro passo. Agora você me diz o que pode fazer da próxima vez em que ficar bravo/triste.”

4 – Divida com ele o problema. Encontrem juntos a melhor solução.

Essa técnica funciona muito bem com crianças a partir de 9-10 anos, que geralmente apresentam um tipo de comportamento que se repete, apesar de castigos e constantes conversas ou até súplica dos pais para que o comportamento mude.

Seu filho deixa as roupas que acaba de tirar espalhadas pelo quarto, ao invés de colocar no cesto de roupas para lavar.

Ao invés de repetir que ele é desleixado, que não ajuda, que é folgado, você senta com ele e diz:

Como podemos resolver esse assunto da sua roupa suja que fica sempre espalhada pelo quarto? Vamos fazer uma lista de sugestões de como resolver isso e depois escolhemos juntos a melhor opção.

Com lápis e papel na mão, faça mesmo a lista, escrevendo uma sugestão sua e uma dele de cada vez. Nunca coloque várias sugestões suas na sequência.

Escreva toda e qualquer sugestão que ele der. Não importa se é factível ou pareça maluca. Agora é hora de fazer a lista, não de julgar se a ideia é boa ou não. Seu filho vai sentir que você o ouve e respeita se escrever todas as opções dele. Isso o prepara para realmente fazer o que vocês escolherem como melhor opção depois.

Assim que tiver pelo menos três ideias de cada um, diga que agora cada um de vocês escolhe, na lista, uma alternativa que pareça a mais viável.

Caso vocês dois escolham alternativas diferentes, resta definir qual será a aplicada. Nesse ponto, se você conseguiu mostrar para ele que está levando a sério o que ele fala e respeitando as ideias dele, dificilmente ele escolherá uma alternativa absurda. Vai querer mostrar para você que merece o respeito que você está tendo com ele. Porém, se ele insistir com uma solução que não faz sentido, do tipo “deixar as roupas no chão mesmo”, você pode concordar que essa é a solução e que você estará aberta a rever a lista e tentar outra opção quando ele sinalizar que experimentou e não achou que funcionou a que ficou definida. Nesse caso, você não pode recolher a roupa e nem deixar que outra pessoa o faça. Ele tem que ser o primeiro a sentir as consequências da decisão tomada. As  chances são mínimas de isso acontecer.

Lembre-se de que você pode não aceitar a opção que ele escolheu, mas tem que ouvir o porquê da escolha dele, respeitando os sentimentos que ele descrever.

Tendo experimentado a sensação da responsabilidade em resolver um problema que passou a ser dele e não seu somente, seu filho passa a respeitar você e a ter o desejo de demonstrar que merece sua atenção e credibilidade que você deu a ele.

O efeito será útil para o resto da vida, ao contrário do castigo, que gera frustração e o coloca para pensar como vai se vingar na próxima oportunidade que tiver para tirar você do sério.

Deixar seu filho sem videogame não tem efeito como castigo. Veja 4 alternativas. 

Posts Relacionados:

49 ideias sobre “Deixar seu filho sem videogame não tem efeito como castigo. Veja 4 alternativas. 

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