Você consegue lembrar quantas vezes já usou essa expressão com seus filhos? 

Estudos sobre o funcionamento do cérebro mostram que, mesmo quando temos que tomar uma decisão muito simples, do tipo escolher um suco no cardápio, inconscientemente colocamos um valor – como uma nota – para cada opção. Para chegar a essa nota para cada escolha disponível, usamos recursos armazenados em nossa memória de longo prazo. O cérebro rapidamente faz uma busca por experiências anteriores semelhantes para que possa tomar a decisão.

O dado mais surpreendente porém, vem a seguir: a decisão é tomada a partir da lembrança de que escolha, no passado, teve uma recompensa emocionalmente positiva.

Mas o que isso quer dizer?

Nós, pais, temos total influência não somente na auto estima que nossos filhos apresentam enquanto crianças.

Toda vez que criticamos uma escolha feita por uma criança ou adolescente, colocando o foco na pessoa que ele é ao invés de ajudá-lo a entender o que deu errado na ação que tomou, fica o registro de uma experiência mal sucedida em sua memória de longo prazo.

Isso significa que não podemos discordar ou dizer que algo está errado? Muito pelo contrário! Cabe sim aos pais esse papel. A forma é que faz toda a diferença para que o registro no cérebro seja de uma experiência positiva.

Um exemplo do dia a dia de quem tem criança em casa:

Mãe – Come com a colher. Você vai derrubar essa comida na sua roupa.

Filho – Quero comer com o garfo, igual você! (enquanto começa a comer)

Segundos depois…

Filho aos prantos, pois derrubou comida na mesa e na roupa.

Mãe –   Eu não falei que ia derrubar? E agora? (muitas vezes em tom agressivo, voz alta e um longo discurso sobre como o filho é teimoso, desobediente, descuidado e mais e mais adjetivos sobre “quem ele é”).

Sim, o estresse e a correria do dia a dia têm alta participação nisso. Contudo, muito mais do que a vida moderna, o grande responsável por essa maneira de agir é simplesmente o hábito.

Podemos quebrar esse círculo vicioso de sempre acertar que não vai acabar bem. Às vezes me pergunto se nós mães não nos sentimos tão poderosas por prever situações desse tipo que acabamos não procurando uma maneira de evitar que o final seja o previsto.

Afinal, se prevíamos que não ia dar certo, porque não fizemos uma intervenção que pudesse ajudar a evitar o final trágico?

Usando o mesmo exemplo, mas dessa vez evitando o registro de uma experiência que gerou memória emocional negativa.

Mãe – Come com a colher. Você vai derrubar essa comida na sua roupa.

Filho – Quero comer com o garfo, igual você! (enquanto começa a comer)

Mãe levanta, pega um guardanapo e coloca no colo do filho, explicando que assim não tem problema se cair um pouquinho de comida, pois isso pode acontecer.

Segundos depois…

Filho – Olha, mãe, derrubei só um pouquinho!

Mãe –  Parabéns! Sempre que quiser comer com garfo, você coloca o guardanapo no colo. Logo você estará craque e não vai mais derrubar nada!

Simples assim! Essa criança se tornará um adolescente mais seguro e um adulto mais feliz. Ainda que suas escolhas acabem por se provarem inadequadas, o registro emocional negativo não existe. E assim se forma o círculo virtuoso de uma pessoa que escolhe melhor porque não tem medo das consequências!

“Eu não falei que ia acabar mal?” – o impacto desta frase no cérebro dos filhos

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45 ideias sobre ““Eu não falei que ia acabar mal?” – o impacto desta frase no cérebro dos filhos

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